Dealing with a critical partner and the "criticism dance"

Dealing with a critical partner and constant negative criticism can drain you mentally, emotionally and physically.

When criticism is the norm in a relationship, there is usually constant hyper-vigilance and a "fight or flight" response is always just below the surface of all interactions.

One of the hardest things to do is be kind, open, and loving when it feels like you're being criticized every two seconds.

When you feel like you're constantly being criticized, it's hard to see that other person as your friend, lover, or someone who's on your side.

When you feel like someone else is too critical (for an extended period of time), there comes a time when you feel like you just don't want to put up with them anymore.

Then you start to fight back, go wild and give them a taste of their own medicine.

When you feel like someone is repeatedly unfairly criticizing you, it's incredibly hard to see what's really going on with that other person.

After all, you wonder why the hell would they act like that if they love and care about me?

While it can be hard to see this about someone who is harsh, judgmental, and in many cases downright mean to you…

Here are some general "truths" about highly critical people...

–They come from a place of fear.

–They come from a place where "My life isn't going well if it happens and I have to make sure it doesn't" or "I have to make sure you do what I want because then I'm fine."

–As strange as it may sound, their thinking is telling them that the answers they have are better and will make them happier, more peaceful, more alive, more comfortable, more secure, more vibrant, or anything else that they think would make their life better.

–They are simply reacting to thoughts that pop into their head about you, the situation, or what they are thinking or feeling at the time.

–They may actually love you, care about you, and want the best for you, but that seems essential. Sometimes another person's criticism of you may seem totally justified and logical to them, and not criticism at all.

Here are some general "truths" about people who live with constant criticism...

–They feel like the criticism is constant, but it may not be as constant as it seems.

– They probably spend energy thinking about criticism and defending themselves almost constantly – which makes constant criticism.

-They may not want to look or acknowledge that the other person's criticism is partly valid and he or she just doesn't know how to express it with kindness and love.

–They can deal with a critical partner and be equally critical in return.

–They believe they are worthless and go through life that way.

So what's the answer?

Dealing with a critical partner and the “criticism dance” is a challenge.

One way to deal with a critical partner is to take a step back from your usual criticism "dance" and focus on what you really want in your relationship.

Do you want to rebuild the connection and have more love?

Do you want to have more peace?

Do you want to experience true soul connection again?

Or have you had enough and want to end the relationship?

–>Important questions to ask if you plan to stay or leave