Dear Military Spouse, You Are Not Alone

To the military spouse and those who love her, support her and desire to encourage her, this one is for you.

Life isn't always a bowl of juicy peaches, sweet cherries or fresh tree-ripened mangoes. Of course, our tenure includes sunny seasons filled with laughter, joy and good times. But among these experiences and memories simmers a subject that many women refuse to discuss.

Calm as sea mist, however, we discover it and plod on. Because tradition assumes we should.

A notion reverberates in the military community as well as in the civilian world. Military wives are a strong group. Don't mess with them.

With a mark of pride, we military wives carry the weight of the world while swirling a dozen virtual dishes. Not a single one falls. Our repair know-how apparently flows better than Bob Vila's, and if anyone was facing Chuck Norris, it would be the military spouse. So it seems with this much-vaunted notion that military wives are all kinds of women. They hold the world together, sewing torn seams in a moment's need and never, ever, EVER crumbles.

Because that's what military wives do.

Where is it?

We feel compelled to stay strong one hundred percent of the time, never faltering or letting weakness show, let alone shine brightly for all to see.

Because that's what is expected. But by whom?

Are we plagued by these thoughts? Is it the enemy's stratagem in this invisible battle for the heart, inducing us to self-sufficiency, shame or pride when in truth, weakness, holy confidence and the irresistible need for an Almighty God trump all else?

Military wife, you are not alone.

Don't fall for the idea. There's nothing wrong with wobbling with weak knees, reaching up for help, showing those vulnerabilities that have been stuffed for too long.

Because when we are weak, He is strong.

You are not alone. Trust that. Our Father does not abandon His beloved ones.

Military wives sometimes have heavy feelings. The worn and torn chorus, I'm ready to fall apart, I can't make it on replay can almost bring us down. However, in tuning into the truth, we find hope.

We are not alone. God is with us.

There is nothing wrong with leaving our weaknesses and imperfections in the light of day, for often then we see the power and work of God.

I realized this after a difficult trip.

In 2006, my husband deployed. Again. We were building a house in rural North Carolina on some acreage – the slower-paced rural life we ​​had dreamed of providing for our three children was turning into reality. The house had to be finished before my husband left. Instead, we faced multiple construction delays, which forced me to sell our existing house, close the new house, and move in with three youngsters in tow. There was a long list of headlined items with mineral issues in the water, which puzzled me. This caused a surge of frustration that I struggled to shake off, and I plummeted.

To add to this list of issues, my husband and I felt guided by the Lord to homeschool our children, all at the time of his deployment. My selfish inclination dreamed of those quiet times while the eldest was at school. Erase that with homeschooling. What about "me" time? After all, I would be the pseudo-single parent.

I focused on the negatives of the wonderful opportunity we were facing. Negative self-talk has become the norm.

Other women could handle that. Why couldn't I?

Why did I react like a deer in front of the headlights every time new problems arose?

Would history mark me as the only weak military wife in the world?

A declaration of godly obedience did surface, however. Hell, I'll obey God no matter what. Buckle up. Raise the bootstraps. I was a military wife. Pride and autonomy took the wheel. Again.

And so I plodded on halfway around the world with my husband, checklist in hand and kids on my heels.

I refused to ask for help or share my struggle. In all honesty, knowing how to do either was part of the problem.

And the spiral continued.

A few friends and a distant relative have expressed concern. I held them off. Shouldn't I be able to handle everyday life? Others have. I have decided to keep the world together in my husband's absence, whatever the cost.

So I kept going, until one night the weight turned out to be heavier than usual. I stood next to my bed and considered stopping everything. Loneliness kept me company. Despair and exh...