How to Communicate and Love Someone Who is Stubborn

As Otto left for the hardware store with a tape measure in his hand, I backed off.

I thought his idea of ​​anchoring the railing to the wall leading to the top floor of our house would make it look like people who didn't know what they were doing fixed it...

What we were!

Both of us would definitely fall into the category of people who have no "repair" skills when it comes to fixing anything that breaks.

Even if we don't really have the skills, we can all be stubborn about our ideas of how to fix anything that needs fixing or replacing.

I generally think I'm right...

And Otto thinks he has a different and better idea.

As you can guess, our "fix" projects haven't gone well since we've been together.

I remember years ago our plan to drain water from a waterbed we no longer wanted and the uproar we got ourselves into, and hurt feelings, trying to do something simple like this.

But lately, we've discovered a simpler, more loving, and more confident way to move forward with these projects.

What was different this time?

Since Otto was the one who took on this ramp re-anchoring project, I listened to how he wanted to fix it.

I really listened and tried to understand him without hurting him instantly and stubbornly clinging to my lane…

Which I have certainly done in the past!

I explained that there might be another possibility and underlined what I thought would be a problem if he did what he thought.

But I didn't cheat on him, hoping he would find a solution and he did.

He made several trips to various home improvement stores and eventually found an anchor that he thought would work.

And it happened.

The point was that he was open and hadn't closed himself off emotionally to other possibilities.

Because he didn't feel the need to prove he was "right", he could see an even better way.

Because I wasn't stubborn about clinging to my ideas, I could stay open to him.

Very often when we think the other person is "stubborn", we are just as rigid in our thinking.

And when we call someone "stubborn" or even think he or she is unreasonable...

We put up walls and the other person gets defensive, putting up walls as well.

So how do you communicate with someone you think is stubborn?

First, look at yourself and if you are invested in being right.

(Chances are you are!)

Are you trying to turn someone into something they don't want to be?

When we think someone is stubborn, it's usually because they don't think and act the way we think they should.

When you can come out of the emotion of judgment, you can see that the strategies you used to get your way didn't work and only perpetuated the "dance" you were doing all the time. of them.

As you truly see this dynamic for what it is, you might become aware of a space where you can meet and come to terms.

So listen, really listen without any judgment.

It doesn't mean you agree, but it does mean you give the respect you want to yourself.

Stubbornness can fade when judgment falls and space opens for understanding.

In all of us, beneath all the noise of resistance and judgment lies wisdom. If you are silent, you will hear it.

If you are up against someone you consider stubborn and have a question, contact us here…