4 lies we believe so we don't have to forgive others

When I was fresh out of college in my twenties, I didn't realize the weight of an unforgiving heart I carried. He had been there for so long that I had grown accustomed to his bitterness. I was almost thirty years old and breastfeeding a newborn before realizing how much I too needed God's grace. After a long battle with depression, God showed me that one of the keys to releasing the burden I had carried for so long was simple, but also difficult: forgiveness.

While there are many reasons why we don't forgive people, God makes it clear in His Word that we must. In fact, he even goes so far as to say that if we don't forgive others, he won't forgive us (Matthew 6:15). This statement may sound harsh, but we can't ignore scripture verses that make us feel uncomfortable, can we?

To understand this command, we need to know two things. First, God forgave us when we least deserved it. When we nailed him to a cross and left him, he said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing" (Luke 23:34). Second, God's command for us to forgive is not for His benefit; but for ours. God doesn't tell us to love injustice, to be a doormat, or not to set limits. He tells us to forgive others, as he has forgiven us.

One ​​of the reasons we are so reluctant to forgive is that we have a false perception of what forgiveness really is. We often tell ourselves lies to try to cope, putting a barrier to our spiritual healing.

Here are three lies we tell ourselves so we don't have to forgive others:

1. If I forgive, I will excuse the harm they have done to me

Forgiveness does not mean that we say that the person who hurt us has not sinned. We don't say, “Oh, it's okay. You can sin as much as you want. Instead, we give God permission to judge the person according to their perfect holiness. We release the weight to the One who sees the heart of the person, their motivations and all that we don't see. Paul clarifies whose task it is to do justice when he says:

"Do not avenge yourselves, my dear friends, but give way to the wrath of God, for it is written: 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' saith the Lord. '" Romans 12:19 NIV

As we make decisions based on emotions and feelings, God clearly sees each person's heart and motives. He is not fickle, but He is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). Let him bear the burden of judgment because the hammer is far too heavy for us to bear.

2. I'm not hurting anyone by not forgiving that person.

It is true that the people we choose not to forgive may not even be aware of it. They can go about their lives without worrying about the harm they have caused or the chaos our families have experienced as a result of their actions. For this reason, we may think, “Why is this important? They don't even care.

It matters because the person we are hurting is ourselves. And whenever we carry bitterness in our hearts and don't forgive others, that bitter root will spill over into our daily lives. We may not be aware of it, but it will come out in our conversations, our interactions with our children, and in the carpool line.

But above all, it will steal our peace. We will live in constant anxiety because we have not let go of the harm that someone has caused us, who may not even be aware of it. Is it worth it? No, this is not the case. Jesus paid the highest price for us to walk in freedom. So let's drop pain and bitterness and run away from them.

“You, my brothers and sisters, have been called to be free. But do not use your freedom to satisfy the flesh; instead, serve one another humbly in love. Galatians 5:13 NIV

3. If I forgive, I allow them to hurt me again

Forgiving someone doesn't mean we don't set boundaries. In fact, boundaries are part of a healthy Christian life. If someone hurts us or causes destruction in our family and shows no signs of repentance, we are justified in limiting our interaction with that person. Even Jesus walked away from people at times when they rejected his truth. His desire was for everyone to repent and come to him, but that didn't always happen. This is how he taught his disciples:

"And if a place does not welcome you or listen to you, leave that place and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them."