My boyfriend watches porn everyday but only wants sex once a month

I am a 29 year old female, my boyfriend is 32 and we have been together for over a year. We moved in together a month after we met. In the beginning, we had an amazing love life, often having daily sex. But after six months it was only once a week and now it's just once a month. I tried to talk to him about his lack of desire but he said it only made it worse. Recently I found out that he watches porn every day and masturbates, which he didn't want me to know. I don't understand why he doesn't want to sleep with me but likes watching porn. Is it because he wants more girls or is he bored of what we do? He said he loved me and he shows it in other ways. Do you think things will change? I love him, but I also want to have a good sex life.

You are smart about looking at the long-term possibilities of your relationship. It's still early in your discovery of each other, both sexually and in terms of other important factors such as trust. To be truly intimate and happy, a couple must be able to talk about important matters, trust each other, and listen to each other's needs. In your case, none of these things seem to be present. Sometimes couples need to learn how to have meaningful conversations about trust and sex productively without feeling blamed — and a therapist can help. Some men are compulsively obsessed with porn to the extent that they need professional help. You should talk about your needs and find out why exactly he withdrew sexually. There may be a medical or psychological reason, so try to approach him as help, without blame - and without assuming he's no longer attracted to you.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specializes in the treatment of sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns at private.lives@theguardian.com (please do not send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses a problem to answer, which will be posted online. She regrets not being able to maintain personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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