Podcast Ep. 265: The Trouble With The Good Girl/Not So Innocent Guy

Have you ever wondered why some people are automatically assumed to be good, easy-going, and innocent, and others are automatically assumed to be bad, difficult, or misunderstand a good person? Or maybe you've felt perplexed by the microaggressions of someone everyone sees in a near-perfect light? In this week's episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I discuss why, when we want to please people, sometimes our need to be perceived as "good" and even blameless creates problems for others. I also talk about what it's like for us to be on the receiving side.

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5 key topics in this episode Acting nicer than we think because that's what we think is expected of us can cause us to behave dishonestly. And if we happen to do it at the wrong time, even if we're technically doing what seems like a "nice" thing, it can enrage the other party who knows we don't like them. When we are the recipients of someone presumed to be good and innocent, we find ourselves in the role of villain, scapegoat, troublemaker, etc. We internalize it as not being good enough or spending way too much of our bandwidth trying to prove ourselves to others. It is understandable to feel invisible, unheard, misunderstood and invalidated. Just because someone is liked by everyone or no one has ever said a bad word about them, or no one else seems to have a problem with them, doesn't mean what you're going through with the not-so-innocent Good Girl/Guy and your perception of it is invalid and incorrect. A person can be kind, well-thought-out, well-meaning, and also have bad boundaries. People's enjoyment or even popular or well-liked isn't shorthand for blameless. If you encounter microaggressions from a good girl/guy at work, document them. If others have assumed that person's innocence, this is an example of harmful unconscious bias and companies are legally required to address it. Doing things to tick boxes, to keep up appearances, to control, or for self-preservation is very different from paying attention. Mentioned Links + Recommended Resources
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Podcast Ep. 265: The Trouble With The Good Girl/Not So Innocent Guy

Have you ever wondered why some people are automatically assumed to be good, easy-going, and innocent, and others are automatically assumed to be bad, difficult, or misunderstand a good person? Or maybe you've felt perplexed by the microaggressions of someone everyone sees in a near-perfect light? In this week's episode of The Baggage Reclaim Sessions, I discuss why, when we want to please people, sometimes our need to be perceived as "good" and even blameless creates problems for others. I also talk about what it's like for us to be on the receiving side.

Subscribe to Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android

5 key topics in this episode Acting nicer than we think because that's what we think is expected of us can cause us to behave dishonestly. And if we happen to do it at the wrong time, even if we're technically doing what seems like a "nice" thing, it can enrage the other party who knows we don't like them. When we are the recipients of someone presumed to be good and innocent, we find ourselves in the role of villain, scapegoat, troublemaker, etc. We internalize it as not being good enough or spending way too much of our bandwidth trying to prove ourselves to others. It is understandable to feel invisible, unheard, misunderstood and invalidated. Just because someone is liked by everyone or no one has ever said a bad word about them, or no one else seems to have a problem with them, doesn't mean what you're going through with the not-so-innocent Good Girl/Guy and your perception of it is invalid and incorrect. A person can be kind, well-thought-out, well-meaning, and also have bad boundaries. People's enjoyment or even popular or well-liked isn't shorthand for blameless. If you encounter microaggressions from a good girl/guy at work, document them. If others have assumed that person's innocence, this is an example of harmful unconscious bias and companies are legally required to address it. Doing things to tick boxes, to keep up appearances, to control, or for self-preservation is very different from paying attention. Mentioned Links + Recommended Resources

Subscribe and/or review Apple Podcasts (how-to guide here). It really helps make the show grow! If you're new to podcasts, learn more about what they are and how to subscribe to them with this handy guide.