Resolve arguments and fights this way…

Some time ago Otto watched a heated argument unfold that got so crazy that he thought the police would have to be called…

Here’s what happened and some simple truths that can improve your relationships…

Otto watched a store clerk get into a heated argument with a doctor and a respected businessman that got so bad they ended up yelling at each other.

As Otto watched, he saw the employee constantly interrupting the customer and telling him that he "needed" to listen to Her (even though she repeatedly said the same thing).

It was a crazy scene to watch and it got so loud and both of them were so angry (as Otto saw it) - all because they both just wanted to be heard.

This whole “fight” could have been avoided if the employee had only allowed the customer to say what was on his mind without her being caught up in his reaction and defense.

Isn't that so in our personal relationships?

We just want to feel heard.

We want to feel important.

We want to feel respected.

This manifests differently for each person and if you avoid reacting and defending yourself, and just listen, disagreements and arguments will usually go away.

One summer we both had a fight (yes, sometimes) but it didn't last long...

We have a good crop of poison ivy at the back of our yard and one of Susie's "jobs" for the holiday weekend was for us to tackle this problem.

At the time, we weren't particularly good at working together on "fixed" household projects and this one was no different.

So we made up stories about what the other was thinking and reacted with anger and impatience.

It wasn't until it rained and we had to stop what we were trying to do that we really listened to each other.

Otto hadn't understood Susie's strong desire to get rid of poison ivy this weekend.

Susie always expected Otto to be like her father and ex-husband and take charge of these kinds of situations.

When we really listened to each other, it became clear that this was a bigger job than we wanted to tackle and that we would hire someone to do it.

We listened, we made a plan, and all the anger melted away.

All each of us wants is to feel heard and understood, but when we're so blinded by "being right" that can't happen.

That doesn't mean you always get your way, but you can find another way that works for both of you.

While we know that anger is a human reaction, it doesn't solve anything unless you can see it for what it is.

Your anger is just a sign that there is something to look deeper within yourself, listening deeply to yourself and listening to the other person.

You can make a fresh start at any time.

We did it that day and you can too.

Have a question about arguments you might have with someone? Contact us here…