Secret Sex Signals: Love Languages ​​of Longtime Couples – From Eggplant Emojis to Extreme Eye Contact

Name: Secret Signals.

Age: Elder.

Appearance: A beaver emoji followed by an eggplant emoji.

I don't understand. Yes, you do. If someone sends you a beaver emoji followed by an eggplant emoji, what do you think that might mean?

Wait…I got it. Took you a while, but congratulations.

It means: "We need to buy more eggplants." No not at all. It's a sex story.

Oh! Well, who would send such dirt? Who is former professional footballer Peter Crouch? His wife Abbey Clancy went on a podcast and explained that it was his secret method of seduction.

OK, not sure we need to know. Does it work? Uncertain. As Clancy explained, “How despicable is that? Am I supposed to say, "Oh yeah, now I'm ready?" ?"

So why is he sending them? Because it's a secret signal, that's why. It's what you do if you want to communicate something. something to your other half, but you don't want anyone else to know about it. Most couples have it in one form or another.

As if you wanted to leave a party? Exactly. Some people yawn at their spouse, or kick them under the table, or cast their eyes towards the door, or tug their own ear.

Are there other types of secret signals? Ah, hundreds. Some couples have a special "Not in front of people" look that they deploy when their loved one is about to tell an embarrassing anecdote, or a "code red" look when it's urgent to discuss something in private. And it's not just for couples, either.

It's not Anyone with a passing interest in I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here will know that the contestants often adopt strange little tics with their hands and face, in an attempt to remind loved ones that they think to them.

Devilish. Of course, the master of this was the late Queen Elizabeth. Her staff claimed you could always tell when she needed rescuing from a boring conversation as she subtly shifted her purse from hand to hand. As soon as she did that, someone would rush over and politely shove her.

What a strange and complex topic this is. Continue for a minute. When Peter Crouch gets horny, he literally sends his wife the closest thing he can find to a penis pic. It's barely cracking the Enigma machine, isn't it?

Say, "Peter Crouch's secret sex signal is an eggplant emoji."

Don't say, "Nothing says 'secret' like announcing it on a podcast."