'We need to find our loved ones, people who speak the same language': the power of shared mourning, from Covid to the Queen

As many have noted, this time of national mourning has a quintessentially British tinge, with the rain, the queues, the marmalade sandwiches. People stood throughout the night, in a mile-long line that ran through central London, to pay their last respects to the Queen, lying in state. The TV coverage was almost soothing in its bland repetition and unavoidable dark bow.

For those of us with Republican leanings, this all might seem weird and alienating, but for many others, the depth of their feelings may have surprised them. “We have a relationship with these public figures,” says Julia Samuel, psychotherapist specializing in bereavement. The Queen, in particular, has “been the backdrop to our lives and that common thread. She is the symbol of the mother of the nation and the symbol of this idea of ​​predictability, in such a changing and turbulent world. So we have a sense of loss. Precisely because of the queen's unknowability, we project our emotions onto her. "There's a sense of security in having a relationship with someone, especially if you don't really know them, because you can give them what you need," says Samuel.

We have come to know this outpouring of public emotion as collective mourning. "The problem with collective grief is that it can put you in touch with your own losses," says Samuel. “It can be the loss of a parent and it reminds you of the death of your mother or your father, or it puts you in touch with your mortality. If you have unresolved losses, it can bring up a lot of other feelings that aren't necessarily queen-related, which can feel quite overwhelming because they go to the same place. »