What makes a happy marriage?

Casey was confused.

She was about to get married for the second time, wanted this marriage to succeed because her first was definitely not…

But she didn't know what a happy marriage looked like.

His parents had been married for over 50 years and got along well…

But she wasn't sure they were happy.

And was it really possible for a marriage to be happy throughout the years?

She brought all of these questions and more to the conversation we had with her a while back.

Here's some of what she found out about what makes a marriage happy...

1. Happiness is an inside job

We create with our thoughts whether we are happy or not and it does not depend on external circumstances or other people.

When Casey heard this, she was very skeptical.

She told us that if her boyfriend was in a good mood, she was happy…

And when he was in a bad mood and nothing was going well, she was unhappy.

The very idea that she could choose to be happy no matter what was new to her, but little by little she could see how that could be true.

She could see that when her girlfriends were unhappy, she didn't take charge of their upsets, although she could always be compassionate.

She listened and offered advice when needed, but did not take into account how they felt.

When she saw this, she realized that her feelings came from her thoughts that she had to make her boyfriend happy and if she couldn't, she was also upset.

Casey could see how her own happiness came from the thoughts she believed to be true and not from what was happening outside of her.

2. A happy marriage is created one moment at a time

When we suggested that happy marriages happen moment to moment, Casey was surprised.

She thought you either had a happy marriage or you didn't...

But it wasn't true.

A happy marriage can be a time of true connection.

A happy marriage can be genuine when it's not easy.

A happy marriage can be laughter together.

A happy marriage may not run away when you disagree.

A happy marriage can give your partner (and yourself) the freedom to be who he or she wants to be.

A happy marriage can be all of this and more.

3. Love instead of fear creates a happy marriage

So often in relationships, we let fear take over because we think it will protect us.

All fear does is keep us tight, locked up, angry…

And live in fear that the past will repeat itself or be afraid of what will happen in the future.

As Casey honestly examined her fears, it was evident that she was afraid of recreating her previous unhappy marriage this time around.

She saw how her fear kept her from opening up to love most of the time with her boyfriend.

She saw how her fear kept her from seeing the good in their relationship and focusing on what was not going so well.

She saw that if she enjoyed that fear but didn't let it hold back her love...

New opportunities to connect with her boyfriend might happen, which she really wanted.

And you?

If you have any questions about how you can create a happy relationship or marriage, contact us here…