What to do when he doesn't want to commit

Here's what to do when it won't engage.

Has your relationship been dragging in an uncommitted state for some time now? Did he totally freak out, hunker down, or run away the minute you brought up the relationship on a higher level? Or maybe he seemed so in love with you, you were both sailing towards a happy engagement, then all of a sudden he just wants to be friends, he won't commit or says he's not ready. Wondering what makes a man want to commit?

Now here, you're probably feeling stressed, worried, even rejected because he won't commit to you. Am I right? You fell in love with this man and you thought he was falling too. His ambivalence and confusion hurt so much! Hard not to take it personally. You may even feel compelled to chase after him, let things drag on in that state of non-commitment, and accept whatever crumbs he's willing to give.

Here is what I know for sure. You deserve a man who makes you a priority, who loves you, who is committed to you. A man who is marriage material. Yes, men can sometimes take a little longer to commit, but there comes a time when enough is enough. The longer things drag on, the worse you will feel and the more time you will waste. And at the end of this article, watch the video explaining why men engage with some women and pull away from others.

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So, is there hope? Yes. In fact, through my dating and relationship coaching program, we've helped tons of women like you get through this tough stage and come out with a commitment from their guy. Even after the guy initially said he wouldn't commit or wasn't ready. Here are some of the key steps that work.

If he doesn't commit, put him on probation

Generally, if you've been dating for more than three months and your partner isn't responding positively to your discussions about becoming exclusive, it might be time to take a step back. And if you've been dating for over a year and he isn't responding to your marriage talks, it might be time to put the relationship on probation.

When I say hindsight or probation, I mean you need to let him know you might leave him so he has a chance to work things out. The key is to deliver the message in a kind, mature way that shows you mean business. This will maximize the chances of him rising to the occasion so your relationship can deepen.

RELATED ARTICLE: How to Handle a Guy Who Doesn't Engage

The probationary speech: Start in a mature, kind, and loving way. Be specific about what isn't working. Be clear about your thoughts about the possible end of the relationship. Talk about the losses you both will suffer if things end. Suggest actions or ask him what he thinks of actions he might suggest to change things.

For example, you might say:It would be very sad and painful to lose everything we've built, for one of us to have to move, to lose our connection. I thought maybe you were the only one, but now I'm not so sure. I create an amazing and fun lasting partnership in my life. I want to get married and believe that you are that person. If it's not for you, it's not for you. What do you think?

Don't throw that rhetoric in her face as an unnecessary threat during fights or something you constantly harass to gain power in the relationship. If you make it an emotional ultimatum, you will lose your personal power in the relationship.

Show her what life is like without you.

If he continues to drag his feet and doesn't engage, you need to take a stand. The most powerful thing you can do is show him the price of losing you. I know your heart is breaking. But you can't adjust. You have to remember that you deserve a commitment! It's a matter of self-esteem, integrity and self-protection. Don't allow yourself to endure more disappointments or waste more of your...