Why Being Vulnerable Makes You a Weak Leader...And What You Should Do Instead to Get Respect

There has been a trend in recent years, encouraging us all to be vulnerable. We are told to use this "gift of vulnerability" as a way to build trust and connection with others as a way to get others to relate to us.

But, if you want to be an effective entrepreneur, manager or leader, or build and grow a meaningful business, you have to be very careful not to be vulnerable. This can expose you to certain risks and to being exploited.

If you are vulnerable, you may be too familiar with people, and there is a danger that this could be used against you.

This risk is present whether you are running your own business or trying to climb the career ladder. Either way, your legitimacy and leadership status could be inadvertently undermined and eroded by those willing to exploit your vulnerabilities. They wouldn't have known about them if you hadn't revealed them so openly.

You could be criticized by others on social media or even expose yourself to legal action, for having exposed your vulnerabilities too freely. And you only need to do it once. Or 10 years ago, and he could show his ugly head again and again.

Make big decisions

Trying to relate to people while being vulnerable can actually make it much harder to make strong or difficult decisions. They perceive you as weak. You make it difficult for yourself to be strong now.

People need to believe in you as a leader. They must be able to respect you and even admire you. They need to recognize your resilience and believe that you can overcome challenges and obstacles.

Too much vulnerability shared too openly can make you look weak and damaged. People lose faith in your ability to lead during difficult and disruptive times, like the ones we're going through right now.

I agree that vulnerability can be a great way to build trust and connection with customers. Build a following on social media and connect with staff and colleagues. But I've learned from bitter experience that sharing vulnerabilities too openly with customers and my staff has reduced my teams' trust in me and therefore in themselves. And some have used it to manipulate and even blackmail.

strong leadership

When my staff feared for their livelihoods during the first lockdown, we had to make tough decisions to ruthlessly cut overhead, lay off some employees, and struggle to stay in business. My 100+ strong team wanted to see me as strong and decisive at that time.

If their view of me had been jaded by my vulnerabilities and they had seen me anxious and uncertain, they would have felt it too. They were already feeling it, and I was feeling it. so I would have done worse. I know that is the case because the other board members considered me to be the most positive and solution-oriented member of the board. When I shared my insecurities and fears, they freaked out even more, because, and I quote, "If Rob is scared, then we all should be scared."

I'm not a fan of the phrase "fake it until you make it" because no one should have to fake anything. But in this instance of lockdown, and through many other challenges, leaders must present an anti-vulnerable and unbreakable facade, hiding their fears and anxieties, and instead showing a strong, resilient front to others.

Your team needs to see you as strong and believe that "you've got it". You want your competition to think you are unbreakable.

Be careful of being exposed and emotional

While it has become fashionable to openly share everything about our flaws and fears, be careful about overexposing vulnerabilities and be aware of the consequences.

Also make sure you don't confuse vulnerability with emotionality. When emotionally triggered, it's all too easy to share our vulnerabilities in the moment, only to feel noticeably better about yourself in the hours or days that follow once the emotion has passed. By then, the damage is done. We've shared too much and we can't go back.

There is a time and a place for vulnerability...