Your Partner Is Not The Enemy By Otto

I couldn't help overhearing the conversation at the table next to mine when the man said very curtly to his wife, “Stop it. Stop it" as she asked him about the foods on the menu.

The restaurant I was at when the couple arrived is a regional favorite, famous for its unique flavor in the food items it offers.

This woman's husband lived in the area and knew about the food options, but since she was from another part of the country, she was not.

Right now, all this woman was doing was getting curious and a little excited about what might be on the menu at this restaurant her husband had been talking about for many years.

From his words and the tone of his voice, it was obvious that he had smothered her questions and enthusiasm on the spot.

It was both fascinating and tragic to me, because moments earlier when they arrived to sit down, I saw them both struggling with the simple question of 'table or booth' .

He said "table" and she said "stand" and as the waiter turned to lead them to the nearest available stand, the man muttered the words: "Guess I never get my path" loud enough that anyone within earshot could hear them.

The couple, with the help of the waiter, finally placed their order. The waiter picked up their menus and the woman smiled and excused herself to go to the bathroom.

While she was gone, I couldn't help but strike up a quick conversation with the woman's husband.

I learned they were from Greenville, South Carolina, some 450 miles from Columbus, Ohio, where we were sitting.

They were on their way to Cleveland, Ohio, at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as part of their long weekend to celebrate their sixth wedding anniversary.

I saw that there was love there. But, there was also the anger, the dance of superiority/inferiority, as well as obvious signs of contempt.

Because of the scorn and other struggles I could see this couple going through, my Spidey senses told me that even though they loved and cared for each other, there was a lot more danger awaited them than they realized.

If something doesn't change between the two of them, if they don't see something new about how to love each other, and if they don't stop hurting and hurting each other, enemy, there probably won't be a trip for the seventh anniversary next year.

In all different parts of our lives, many of us become "unconscious" and without realizing what we are doing, we are making other people in our lives "enemies" and wondering where is past the love and connection that I was there and felt so good.

It's easy to do.

You find an aspect of the other person that you think should be changed or improved, and out of a desire to improve it, of course, you tell them about their faults and shortcomings.

You keep finding things they need to "work on" or improve on and soon the anger, resentment, and feelings of being unloved or unappreciated creep in.

Or maybe you're just irritated with work, hungry, or not feeling well physically or emotionally and lashing out at the person closest to you.

Then, usually without thinking, they respond with one or more of the "three Fs" (fight, flight, or block) to your critical and unwelcome judgments.

One evening while Susie and I were writing our book, Big Fat Love, we were about to drive to an art festival in another part of town, when she asked me this:

"Is it going to be cold tonight?"

My instant response was "I don't know. I'll check the weather for you."

When I pulled out my phone to check the weather, I told Susie it was going to be about 70 degrees Fahrenheit at 11 p.m. and she could use that as a guide.

When I said that, I was very moved. And the emotions came for two reasons:

One: The conversation and scene I witnessed with the man and woman at the restaurant I just told you about was still fresh in my mind

And I realized that when Susie asked me about the weather, unlike the man in the restaurant, I answered with kindness and love.

Second: I was also emotional because I realized there were times in other relationships, as well as times with Susie, where I responded in a mean and unloving way.< /p>

But tonight I didn't.

While you're reading this, please don't read this about me and think I'm looking for a "pat on the back", an "at-a-boy" or you think I have does something so well.