There are times in my life where imposter syndrome feels less like a passing thought and more like a personality trait. It doesn’t happen in dramatic spirals. It lives in questioning, overpreparing, and in the way I reread something I’ve written and think, It’s good… but is it really good?
I’ve sat in plays I’ve worked hard for and felt a strange disconnect, like I was watching someone else play the role. I received praise and immediately listed the reasons why it was circumstantial. Timing. Chance. A generous editor. An indulgent public. Success never really feels like proof, but rather like something I have to defend.
What puzzles me most is that it hasn’t faded with growth. On the contrary, it becomes clearer when I get bigger: when the rooms get bigger, the stakes seem higher, the visibility increases. Which leads me to wonder: If success doesn’t silence imposter syndrome, what really does? And is the goal to make it disappear, or to understand why it appears in the first place?
Featured image of our interview with Babba Rivera by Belathée Photography.
Imposter Syndrome Tips That Build Self-Confidence
Imposter syndrome has been treated as a mindset problem – something to be solved with better thoughts or greater self-confidence. But according to the therapist and sexologist Dr. Joy Berkheimer, Ph.D., LMFTit’s not just cognitive.
“This often manifests as chest tightening, shallow breathing, or a clenched jaw,” she explains. “The body prepares for exposure as if being ‘discovered’ is a threat to survival.”
Before thought I don’t belong here is fully formed, the body is already in great shape. For many high-achieving women, visibility itself can be seen as a risk. THE nervous system moves to vigilance – searching for errors. Not because you’re cheating, but because your body is trying to protect you.
“You can’t get out of imposter syndrome,” says Dr. Joy. “You arrange your exit.” This distinction is important. It means you are not broken. You respond to expansion.
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and sexologist based in South Florida and founder of Renew Yourself With Joy, her private therapy practice. She has a dual specialization in marital, family and couples therapy as well as mental health counseling, and has additional training in coaching and positive psychology. Through her clinical work, she helps women navigate relationship dynamics, identity changes, and self-confidence.
What Self-Confidence Really Looks Like
If imposter syndrome is a reaction to stress, then trust it’s not something you think into. It’s something you train yourself to do. “Building self-confidence is a behavioral practice,” says Dr. Joy. “This is not a motivational statement.”
Self-confidence is not repeated I deserve to be here until it seems believable. It’s about gathering evidence and showing yourself, through action, that you can handle what you’ve gotten yourself into.
According to Dr. Joy, it may seem surprisingly simple:
- Keep small promises to yourself, especially ones that no one else sees.
- Accomplish what you committed to, even if it would be easier to abandon it.
- Tell the truth in the rooms where you played.
- Let your voice land without immediately softening it or over-explaining.
When you act in alignment repeatedly, your body begins to understand that you can handle this. You start to feel like someone who pushes through, who can tolerate visibility, and who survives risk.
“Confidence is not the absence of doubt,” explains Dr. Joy. “It’s the accumulation of decisions that respect each other.”
The goal is not to completely silence doubt. It’s about developing enough self-confidence so that doubt no longer dictates your behavior.
This happens in emails you send without apologizing. In meetings where you speak only once, instead of rehearsing internally for 10 minutes. In the moments when you choose not to shrink.
The difference between self-reflection and self-criticism
There is a version of thinking that moves you forward. It’s the kind that asks, What could I refine? What would make this stronger next time? It’s specific and it gives direction.
And then there is the other voice. You’re not cut out for this. You shouldn’t be here. Everyone is more capable.
According to Dr. Joy, the difference is not in the intensity of the thought, but rather whether it offers direction or elicits shame. Healthy thinking is achievable. This helps you adapt. Impostor-motivated criticism is identity-based. He does not suggest a next step. It calls into question who you are.
“If the internal voice is specific and actionable, it is growth-oriented,” says Dr. Joy. “If it’s global and shameful, it’s fear trying to protect you from risk.” When you learn to distinguish between the two, you can choose which voice is authoritative.
Remember: the goal is not to eliminate your inner critic. It’s about strengthening the voice that can accept feedback without turning it into self-rejection. Over time, this practice becomes self-confidence.
Simple practices that help you feel more grounded
If imposter syndrome is a reaction to stress, grounding becomes part of the solution. The goal is to help your body feel safe enough to believe it.
Dr. Joy recommends small, repeatable rituals that interrupt the stress cycle and build skills:
- Before a meeting or high-stakes moment: Place both feet flat on the floor. Lengthen your spine. Exhale slowly longer than your inhale. Let one hand rest on your sternum. This signals safety before speaking.
- After a victory: Pause long enough for your body to register it. Many women mentally distance themselves from success without integrating it. Stay with the feeling for a few breaths instead of immediately seeking out what happens next.
- Keep an “evidence list”: At the end of the day, write down three specific actions that demonstrated skill and expertise: not results, but effort. It might look like an email you sent, a boundary you respected, or an idea you shared.
- Adjust your posture when doubt arises: Lengthen your spine. Widen your collarbones. Takes up space. Your posture reflects your sense of security and capability.
- Stop softening your voice unnecessarily: Notice when you over-explain or dilute your statements. Practice letting your words land.
You’ll notice that all of these practices are small by design. Self-confidence is built through repetition, and it doesn’t disappear in an instant. It grows through many cubs.
What to Remember When Imposter Syndrome Appears
Imposter syndrome doesn’t mean you’re not qualified. This doesn’t mean you snuck into a room you didn’t earn. And that doesn’t mean you’re about to be exposed. Often this means you are expanding.
Growth can feel unsettling before it feels natural. Visibility can feel risky before it feels embodied. Success can surpass your self-esteem for a while. But when doubt arises, there is no need to make it disappear. You can notice it, regulate your body, collect evidence, and keep your promises. Let your nervous system adjust to the reality that you are capable of doing more than what once seemed familiar.
Confidence is not perfection. It’s the willingness to stay with the discomfort while your body adapts to who you are becoming. And over time, what once felt like exposure starts to feel like alignment.
This article was last updated on February 25, 2026 to include new information.
The position When Growth Feels Uncomfortable: The Real Reason Imposter Syndrome Occurs appeared first on Camille Styles.
