Bad Behavior in Relationships - How Much Should You Bear?

Bad behavior can of course mean something different to each of us.

And you can experience it from family members, coworkers, friends, or the person behind you waiting in line at the grocery store.

This can mean:

–Constantly putting dirty dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher

–Sarcasm and putting you down

–Ignore what you say and don't listen

– You're wrong

–Non-compliance with agreements

–Periodic rages and outbursts of anger

–Withdraw and not talk to you

– Regularly telling lies

– Pushing you, hitting you

And the list could go on and on…

Each of us has an idea of ​​how we would like to be treated and when another person doesn't follow the way we would like them to…

We call what they do or don't do "bad behavior".

And in this labeling we add to a possibly dismissive situation.

Do you have to accept what you call bad behavior?

Although there is no single answer, here are some guidelines to consider if you have tolerated bad behavior…

1. Decide honestly whether this behavior is a deciding factor or not

We use the term "honestly" because so often we tell ourselves a story like-

–"It's not that bad. He didn't mean it."

– "She said she wouldn't do it again."

Consider if you are making excuses for very serious behavioral problems that you no longer want to live with.

It can be scary because there can be all sorts of reasons why you stay in an unhealthy situation.

Only you can decide when enough is enough.

If you need help deciding, contact us here for a free conversation…

2. If behavior isn't a deal breaker in the relationship, without blaming yourself, think about how you contribute to your upset.

Do you repeat the behavior over and over again, even when it doesn't happen?

Do you focus on what's wrong rather than connecting moments and what's going well?

Don't you appreciate how the person contributes to your life because you're so focused on the bad behavior?

Just take a look inside yourself and allow yourself to see the truth in your answers without being deceived.

By seeing something new, you may be able to make another choice when the behavior reoccurs.

We're not saying to "just put up with it"...

But we're saying that when you see how you can contribute to your anxiety about this situation, you can find an ease you never knew existed.

3. Take a look at what really lies beneath your irritation and you might invite a heart-to-heart chat

Susie recalls that several years ago Otto's tone of voice sometimes made her feel like he was putting her down and that she was stupid.

He doesn't think she's stupid in any way, but these are the thoughts she had and the meaning she gave to her actions when he came across as condescending to her.

It always ended in a disagreement and we both felt disconnected for a while…

That was until Susie realized she was reacting to old beliefs about herself…

That she perceived that her father thought she was stupid sometimes when she was growing up, especially when she wasn't able to do something "good".

She had turned Otto's tone of voice into his father's supposed disapproval (even though he had been dead for many years) and was triggered because she felt like Otto thought that 'She was stupid too!

When she saw this, she was able to discuss it with Otto and because he didn't feel attacked at the time, he was able to see something new too.

He saw that her intensity and the tone of her voice had nothing to do with Susie. He told her that at times when she could ask for help, he felt uncertain that he could solve the problem.

His tone of voice indicated frustration with himself and his alleged shortcomings.

When we both saw how we had contributed to this situation with the stories we believed in…

It was much easier when the pattern reappeared.

Bad behavior is in the eye of the beholder and we urge you to take a close look at what's going on.

We invite you to take an honest look and make choices that are loving and healthy for both of you.

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