Even the best leaders make mistakes sometimes - Here's how to bounce back

I failed to land a big enough customer opportunity this month. It's the one I've been chasing for a good part of the year. I put time, energy, company resources and a lot of myself into it. From how well I knew the actors, the industry, and the stakes, you'd think I worked for this company.

When we got the call that they had decided to go in a different direction, I imagined it would be like being kicked in the chest unexpectedly by a rearing horse : The initial shock when the wind is cut off from you is so great that it takes a minute for the pain to catch up. But when it finally does, it's excruciating.

For the 48 hours after "the kick", I found myself angry, disappointed, and not hiding it particularly well.

Part of my professional brand is a certain level of imperturbability. It's a calm under pressure that has proven extremely useful over years of managing complex crises. So I finally had to stop and ask myself, "Why is this particular loss driving me crazy?"

I'll save you the psychological trip: it wasn't because of how much I had invested in the pursuit that I failed; what I'm still most proud of is how hard the team and I fought for the job. But it turns out what really got to me was the embarrassment of being so certain and ultimately being so wrong in front of a team I respect; colleagues whom I have asked to trust me.

The crazy thing about this mentality is that people are wrong all the time. And this is especially true of leaders. We make so many decisions every day about things that impact so much more than ourselves, and unless the available data is perfect (spoiler: it never is), all the bets you make as a leader won't will not be chargeable.

So how do you cope when the thing you're standing for blows up in your face? There are three steps that have always served me well (that I had to remember this month).

Accept the loss and own it.

Too many of us believe we have to be perfect. We have this irrational fear that if we miscalculate, people won't trust us. But the reality is actually the opposite. When you're wrong and openly admit it, it makes you more approachable and actually makes people want to trust you more rather than less. It also shows that you have the ability to see your own limitations and potentially where you should be looking to provide help in the future. Deliberately admit that you are wrong from time to time, and you will not only relieve some of the personal pressure, but you will also find that it improves the culture of trust and innovation within your organization. You will make it clear by example that calculated risks are encouraged, even if they sometimes don't translate into victory.

Learn what you can learn from it (and share those learnings with others).

Your team, peers, and others will accept it if you make a mistake and will likely respect it if you recognize it. But you'll quickly find that they're less impressed if you keep making the same mistakes. Championship teams lose games on the way to the final, but they replay the tape and review the plays. They learn to close the gaps, and ultimately they are stronger, better, and more effective than they were before the loss. This is because they took the opportunity to fortify areas where they were previously exposed. This applies just as much to our professional losses: what sign did you miss that your pitch was going to miss the mark or that this new recruit wouldn't be able to succeed in their job? Learn as much as you can and share everything so people around you can learn too without having to make the same mistakes for themselves.

Get back on the horse.

Often the hardest part is not lingering. The last thing your mind thinks you should do when you finally start to recover from the horse that put you on your back is to get back on it. It's terrifying. What if you fell again? The trick I learned is to move...