Finding love space when going in different directions

Brett and Sally had been married for 20 years and lately they seemed to be going in different directions with no idea how to fix it.

He spent more time at work, with his friends and taking care of his parents than with Sally. She missed the connection with Brett, didn't feel important to him and although she was tired of caring, she felt lonely and wondered if this was what their marriage would be like in the future.

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They seemed to argue about everything, but it usually boiled down to Sally accusing him of not caring about her and Brett defending himself by claiming that how he spends his time is beyond his control. its control.

They were both entrenched and couldn't fix the problem until they came to us where they saw something new and different.

Here are some ideas they had that may help you if you and someone else in your life are going in different directions…

1. Don't believe your thought

Our habitual way of thinking blinds us to a possible way to be part of the same team and to go in the same direction.

Brett thought he had to do things with his friends every week or they wouldn't like him and his thought that he had to take his elderly parents everywhere they needed to go kept him stressed, taking up most of his time. free time.

He saw that he "thought" he had to do all these things so that others would be liked and that might not be the case. Maybe he didn't have to watch every game with his friends and maybe he didn't have to mow his parents' garden every week like he thought he had to.

Sally's constant thought that Brett didn't care about her had kept her restless and angry with him most of the time. Even when they spent time together, she saw that her anger kept them from connecting and even having fun together.

When you start to have some space around your thought and it doesn't feel so solid, you may start to see something you haven't seen before.

2. Focus on commonalities and where love intersects

When you focus your attention on where the love lies between the two of you, you will see and feel more love.

When Sally realized that part of what she loved about Brett was that he was a caring person, she began to see the little ways in which he cared about her and her friends and family. his parents. Just last week he had taken his car in for repairs and she realized he had done it out of love.

When Brett realized he had forgotten how much he loved walking and talking with Sally, he saw that he had let the stress of the "shoulds" put off times like their walks together until they were non-existent.

When you rediscover your commonality and focus on it, a more loving space opens up.

And that doesn't necessarily mean doing things like you did together. It can simply mean opening your heart to love that person again and seeing the love that is there.

3. Open to other possibilities

Possibilities are always there when you see that your path is not the only or even the best one,

When you fall into benevolence for yourself and for the other person, a path leading in the same direction can open up.

Brett saw that by continuing what he had done to get other people's love, he wasn't really getting him what he wanted, he could feel himself coming out of so much stress and he could see a easier life for himself.

He could see the possibility of spending more time with Sally, doing things they both wanted to do together. He could see that being nicer to himself and to her was a way to go in the same direction.

Sally saw that when she opened up to the possibility that their life together could be happier and easier, she was less judgmental and less stressed. She saw that she had clung to a terrible future with Brett so tightly that it was all she could see, until she allowed a different view.

A more loving space is created when you let go of your expectations that a certain thing has to happen or that things will always be the way you expect.

And in this space of love, you can find a way to grow together into lives filled with more peace and love than you ever thought possible.

If you have a question about going different directions with someone you love, contact us here… ...