Sitting together in difficult times

We are all going to go through difficult times in life. Jesus Himself told us that "in this world you will be in trouble" (John 16:33). We've probably all known someone who was helpful and comforting when we're going through these difficult times, and we've probably all known someone who makes things harder, despite their intentions. Praying is always good. Bringing a meal or helping with schedules are great hands-on ways to care for others. But what about just sitting down with someone when needed? How can we ensure that we are the type of person who helps others? Who doesn't make things harder? Who provides true comfort and empathy rather than empty words? How we should treat each other during difficult times can be summed up in a Bible verse: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep" (Romans 12:15).

Often we just want to make things better, easier and more understandable. We try to heal wounds too fresh to heal and explain events that may never be understood on this side of heaven. We want to avoid uncomfortable pain and lack of explanation. Platitudes such as "Everything happens for a reason" invoke eye rolls because they obscure the pain of being human. It's okay to hurt, cry and cry. There's nothing wrong with saying to someone, "I'm sorry you're going through this" or "It's so terrible." Ecclesiastes 3 tells us that “there is a time for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven: …a time to mourn and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,… . a time to kiss and a time to abstain from kissing,...a time to be silent and a time to speak..." As Romans 12:15 says, when a friend is in mourning, he it's time for us to mourn with him.

The book of Job is often the first place we look when we want to discuss suffering. Job's friends started on the right track to help him through his pain. "When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Themanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite, heard of all the misfortunes that had befallen him, they left their homes and came together with one accord to go sympathize with him. and comfort him. When they saw him from afar, they could hardly recognize him; they began to cry aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him. for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him because they saw how great his suffering was" Job 2:11-13). What a beautiful friendship! They showed up and cried together. They were hurt for their friend, and they loved him just by being by his side.

But then they started talking. They gave long speeches telling Job he must have done something wrong, trying to explain God's actions. This brought no comfort to Job. In fact, it upset him even more. In Job 16:2-5, Job responds to his friends, “I have heard many things like these; you are miserable comforters, you all! Will your long speeches never end? What's wrong with you that you keep arguing? I too could talk like you, if you were in my place; I could make nice speeches against you and shake my head. But my mouth would encourage you; the comfort of my lips would bring you relief.

Not only did their words cause Job more harm, but in trying to provide answers in the name of God, they were simply wrong. As the Lord said, in Job 42:7 "to Eliphaz the Themanite, I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as did my servant Job". We don't know the inner workings of the spiritual realm. We don't know why terrible things are happening except that we live in a fallen world. We don't have to know everything because God knows! “From the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How inscrutable are his judgments and his paths incomprehensible! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who was his adviser? (Romans 11:33-34). We should not offer words of explanation in the name of God because we are not capable of such knowledge. “Those who guard their mouth and their tongue keep themselves from misfortune” (Proverbs 21:23).

When you don't know w...