Take It Personally: What It Is and How to Stop?

Since I started writing Baggage Reclaim, I've become more and more aware of what I tend to take personally. These examples always refer to old wounds and stories that I have to deal with in one way or another. Of course, I'm not the only one who takes things personally - we all do it in certain contexts or as a general habit. Part of changing our relationship with ourselves and improving emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being is realizing where and why we take things too personally and breaking those patterns by having very conscious responses.

Taking things personally involves: Expressing the feelings and behavior of others about you. Being overly responsible, therefore taking responsibility for the feelings and behavior of others, including feeling responsible for maintaining their mood and believing it is your "duty" to be and do certain things. You then blame yourself or feel aggrieved and neglected when, for example, they are always upset or won't stop doing something undesirable. Feeling wronged, rejected, or resentful when people see or do things differently from you. If it was me… Judging yourself for an undesirable outcome or how someone is, then altering your self-image and subsequent actions. Feeling blamed, even when you're not accused, or blaming yourself. Imagining that you did something wrong when you didn't and even though what you're basing it on has nothing to do with you. Feeling hurt and like you've been thrust back into your childhood life or into the same situation you hate. Experiencing the "no" and rejection as a total rejection of yourself or a personal failure. Assuming shady intent when there isn't. Taking things in a way that has proven, over time, to be irrelevant, while moving forward with the schematic answer. Being very "you are with me or against me", believing that people take sides. To think that someone is expressing their feelings or needs is an expression of ingratitude towards you. After everything I've done! Viewing an event or someone's actions as confirmation of a long-held opinion of yourself. Holding on to grievances and distorted narratives even when it harms your well-being or prevents you from creating healthier boundaries and moving forward. Taking things personally is based on the belief that you can control the uncontrollable with nice people, perfectionism, excess, overthinking, and over-responsibility.

Therefore, when things don't go the way you hope or want, you make it your own. You talk about what you failed to be or do or how worthy/enough you are.

It's not that people don't do things to piss you off, piss you off, and go beyond. Welcome to life. It's not even that some people don't indulge in sleazy and abusive carry-on — they do. It is, quite frankly, unrealistic for humans not to take something that directly affects us personally to some degree.

Problems arise when we go beyond acknowledging our displeasure with something and then personalize it.

We take unwanted and painful events or what someone has done and internalize it as something about us that, indeed, the Jedi spirit led them to do something different than what they would have done or should have done otherwise.

Taking things personally seeps into our self-image, our perception of our character, our personality, our appearance (physical and social) and our future opportunities.

So, let's say we're dating...