10 ridiculous World Cup records we absolutely guarantee will never be broken

Some World Cup records have been bolstered by modern changes, while others were ridiculously unreachable from the moment they were set.

10) Most Yellow Cards Received in a Match (3) - Josip Simunic Let's start with the sweet, lukewarm banter of a World Cup record that will go unbroken due to the unprecedented incompetence that allowed it to be established. In a 2-2 draw between Croatia and Australia in 2006, Josip Simunic was booked for punching Harry Kewell in the face, was booked again for shooting both Mark Viduka and Joshua Kennedy within seconds around the center circle and then showed his third yellow card of a very successful evening for protesting after the final whistle. Graham Poll attributed the mistake to his relatively simple card recording system being unknowingly undone upon hearing the Canberra-born Croatian defender Simunic speaking in an Australian accent.

With the killjoy that is the VAR, the mistake will not happen again. But imagine the hilarity that would set the world on fire and melt the servers if it ever happened somehow in the modern age.

9) Most goals scored in a lost game (4) – Ernst Wilimowski Four goals scored in a lost game, Jeremy? Four ?! It's really quite absurd. Pretty sure that's how the quote goes. Happy with that. Anyway, Ernst Wilimowski. Bloke has scored at least 1,077 goals in 688 games, making him the 14th most prolific goalscorer in verified official history. It's really a lot. He saved four for his only World Cup game, back-to-back knockouts in 1938 when Poland met Brazil in the round of 16 and played a calm and cautious game. Wilimowski won an equalizing penalty, converted by Friedrich Scherfke, before scoring to make it 3-2, 3-3, 4-4 and finally 6-5. Leonidas, however, scored a hat-trick for the favourites, including two extra-time goals, to render Wilimowski's efforts useless. He was truly the Roque Santa Cruz of his time.

In the 134-year history of England's top flight, no player has ever scored four goals in a defeat. There have only been eight World Cup hat-tricks since the last time someone scored more than three times in a tournament final game 28 years ago…

8) Most goals scored in a game (5) – Oleg Salenko Speaks of the devil whose entire sporting reputation rests on a single game. Oleg Salenko is the only player to win the Golden Boot at the U20 and FIFA World Cups, is the only player to win the Golden Boot for a team eliminated in the group stage, and is the only person quite crazy to share a Golden Boot. Start with Hristo Stoichkov, who can probably keep him most weekends.

It was really the most special international career. Salenko represented the Soviet Union at youth level, playing for Ukraine once in 1992 and then playing eight times for Russia between November 1993 and June 1994, scoring all six of his World Cup goals in the USA. After converting a penalty in defeat to Sweden, Salenko beat Cameroon five times in a historic encounter. Emilio Butragueno (Spain, 1986), Eusebio (Portugal, 1966), Just Fontaine (France, 1958), Sandor Kocsis (Hungary, 1954), Ademir (Brazil, 1950) and the aforementioned Wilimowski are the only other players to score more than three goals in a single World Cup match. Salenko's strange legacy is safe.

7) The oldest goalscorer (42 years, 39 days) - Roger Milla It was in this match between Russia and Cameroon, perhaps the most heritage in the history of the World Cup, that Roger Milla has done something remarkable: extend one of her well-protected recordings.

Already trailing 3-0 at half-time, Milla was brought on in hopes of salvaging something meaningful. After barely a minute, the veteran striker took advantage of an error in the naturally loose Russian defense to hold off Dmitriy Khlestov, slide the ball past Stanislas Cherchesov and celebrate with more effusion than Salenko had tallied for each of his five goals.

Milla had already entered the game as the oldest goalscorer in the history of the World Cup, because of his goals against Colombia in the round of 16 in 1990 at the age of 38 years and 34 days . No one has even managed to beat that mark - Cristiano Ronaldo established himself as the closest competitor at 37 years and 292 days with his goal against Ghana (not Uruguay) - without talk about the highest bar.

6) Oldest Player (45 years, 161 days) - Essam El Hadary Milla isn't quite the oldest player in World Cup history. He remains the oldest outfielder, with Atiba Hutchinson and Pepe taking distant places on the podium this year at 39. But a few goalkeepers have since...