When Your Needs Are Not Met in a Relationship

Here is Susie's true confession and ideas that can help you when you feel let down by others and that you are not meeting your needs…

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Someone very close to me was going through one of life's great transitions and didn't seem to want my help!

I have offered many times and in many ways…

But she said, "Thanks, I'll let you know if I need any help."

Ouch!

Didn't she know that I'm a coach and that's what I do: I often help people through transitions!

Now, at first glance, this doesn't seem to have anything to do with MY needs…

Except when I really stop regurgitating thinking she "should" like me and accept my offers...

And take a closer look at where these offers come from…

I could see how hungry I was to help her and show her my love ANY WAY I WANTED.

Did you get it?

"As I wanted" and not what was best for her during this transition.

And I'm certainly not the only one, because most of us look outside of ourselves to meet our needs without even realizing it!

We say something like this…

—"If that person just said this or acted that way, I would be happy, I would feel loved, and life would be so much better."

Or…

—"If these circumstances were to change, I would have what I want and need."

Even if, like me, you have spent many years "working on yourself" and KNOW that your happiness is an inside job and not someone else's…

What do you do with those persistent needs that arise and seem to dominate your thinking?

Here is some of what I realized while looking at this "need" situation that may also help you...

– Stepping back from the story helps you see it more clearly

When I stopped focusing on why I made it up why she didn't want my help…

I could see that I really didn't know.

There could be all sorts of reasons and I don't need to know them to agree.

When I stopped with the "shoulds"…

May she accept my help…

And also that the love between us "should" have a certain appearance…

I could see how I made it all up and didn't have to get stuck in lack or feel bad.

–When you stop trying to ignore or push away the fear that hides beneath what you think you need and the thought that it isn't happening, it changes on its own

When I have allowed the emotion to be seen by me without pushing it away or denying it, it still flows through me.

It's not something I have to hold on to or keep reliving the thoughts that created the emotion.

I just feel a sense of relief and it's possible for you too.

–The need seems to dissolve when you see the love is still there

When I remember that I am love and that I am loved and that I really know that deep down…

There is no lack.

People don't need to change to make me happy.

They are free to do what they have to do.

And I can always have clear boundaries, but those come from love, not fear.

I can live with more ease and peace instead of the anxiety I create for myself.

If you want to find some ease in a relationship where your needs are not being met, contact me here.