5 unhealthy love habits that are sneaking up on you

Sam has done it again! He did what he swore he wouldn't do.

He found himself looking at his phone to check sports scores instead of focusing on his wife Jackie as she talked about her day.

They said he was more present when she tried to share what was important to her and he promised…

But the habit of checking your phone was sometimes too strong to ignore.

He knew it was an unhealthy habit if he wanted his marriage to stay strong, but sometimes he let his "habit" get his attention when perhaps connecting with his wife was more important.

Our habitual ways of responding can either connect us to others or build walls and separate us.

When we continually practice thoughts that turn into actions that we label as “unhealthy”…

We push away the love we say we want.

These habits invade us because we do them unconsciously out of habit and are usually unaware of the damage they can cause to our relationships.

Here are 5 unhealthy love habits that are eating away at love without you even knowing it…

1. You criticize everything the other person says or does and make it wrong

In a survey of men several years ago, one of the main problems in their intimate relationship was constantly being wrong.

Whether you're a man or a woman, under the guise of wanting to do things "right", you can make the other wrong in order to get your own way.

It's a habit that may surprise you because you often don't even realize you're doing it!

The truth is, someone else's way may be even better even if it's different from yours.

If you're not ready to see this, you're closing precious doors to connection and love.

2. You're not really listening

If you're like most of us, you're often preoccupied with your own thoughts and don't really listen to others, especially your loved ones.

Like Sam, you can be distracted not only by your inner thoughts, but also by dividing your attention with another activity like checking your phone.

When you're not listening to the other person, being present and making eye contact...

You don't really listen and you don't pass up the opportunity for connection and understanding.

A common complaint of many women is that their partner is emotionally unavailable.

By exploring this complaint during a coaching conversation, one woman we spoke to saw an opportunity for deeper emotional sharing and connection with her partner that she had missed.

She had missed it because she was not only preoccupied with her judgments of him, but also had her back turned while he was speaking.

By asking just one question and giving it her full attention, she learned she could have opened the door to a more meaningful conversation she craved.

For more love, become aware of how you are listening and allow yourself to be fully present and open to these opportunities, no matter how small.

3. You defend your way and are not open to the other person's point of view

It seems natural to defend your point of view.

After all, if you don't stand up for it, who will?

But when you defend, defend, defend…

There is no possibility of discovering a way that works for both of you and there is only argument and resentment.

When you give up your defense (and that doesn't mean you give up your ideas)…

When you are ready to listen to understand the other person's point of view…

They won't be as likely to get defensive, push back, and close.

There can be an openness and mutual respect that may not have been possible before.

4. You jump to conclusions and make assumptions

We are all constantly making up what we both call "stories" about what is happening and what someone is saying or doing.

Like most of us, you can make assumptions about what you think you see or hear, which may or may not be true.

When you act on these assumptions without seeking to understand the truth…

You can create resentment that can last for years based only on your thoughts that you believe to be true.

For more love and connection, be aware of when you're making assumptions and jumping to conclusions to try to make sense of someone's words or actions.

Stop and educate yourself before acting on your assumptions that can harm a relationship.