9 Ways to Keep Romance Alive in Your Marriage

I know. The idea of ​​keeping the romance alive in marriage seems like a lot of hard work for many of us. We try to get through the day - and trying to be romantic seems like too much work. We are just tired! Romance isn't about big things. It's about the little things we do to express our love for each other. Dan and I have been married for almost 46 years. It's tempting to think that Dan knows how I feel about him after all these years. But God has convinced me that keeping the romance alive in a marriage is a huge investment in my husband and in our relationship. And that investment honors God.

Let me share how I'm learning to keep the romance alive in our marriage. I have to admit that I don't always manage to do all these things well. But I'm more romantic now than I was when we got married. And that's a big statement! So you can make the same investment and reap the same rewards of a happy and healthy marriage.

1. Make Christ your highest priority.

Every relationship in our lives reflects our relationship with Christ. If we want our relationships to be healthy, we must have a healthy relationship with God. The earth is not the friend of marriage - but God is. God wants to use marriage, family and home to show his very nature. If we want a healthy marriage, we must put Christ first in our lives.

2. After Christ, give each other top priority.

After Christ comes our marriage. When I neglected my relationship with Dan, I not only hurt my relationship with Dan, but I also sinned against God.

I thought Dan would understand that I had a busy schedule and an exciting women's ministry. Oh, he understood. He understood that his wife was taking time for complete strangers, but she had no time to talk with him. There's nothing less romantic than making yourself feel unimportant. Talk about a romance killer! Marriage takes a lot of work. Romanticism too. Marriage must be constantly and consistently nurtured to keep the romance alive.

3. Return to the beginning.

Do you remember the qualities you admired so much in your companion when you first met? The things that made them so attractive. Browse the memories you and your companion have made together. The attributes that first made you notice and admire your companion will come to the surface. Make a list of these qualities and start expressing them out loud to your spouse, children and friends. This will rekindle the romance you have experienced in your marriage.

4. Discover your partner's love language and learn to speak it well.

Learning your partner's love language and how speaking it will ignite the flame of romance in your marriage. Gary Chapman's book, Five Love Languages, had a significant impact on every relationship in my life, but especially my marriage. We tend to think that everyone has the same love language. Not true. I have two love languages ​​- time and gifts. My husband's love language is touch. It can be something as simple as holding hands or scratching your back, but Dan feels loved as long as I touch him.

I recently had Covid and was quite sick. So Dan kicked things into high gear. He knows how much I like soup, so he made three different kinds. He made sure I always had something to drink. The words "Do you need anything, honey?" has become his mantra. Dan voluntarily became my servant.

Sidebar: My whole family knows how much I love chocolate covered cherries. A box of these delicious treats is always in my Christmas stocking. One afternoon during my battle with Covid, I was battling depression. Dan said he had to run some errands. I heard the rustle of shopping bags when he got home. My sweet husband walked into the room with the biggest smile on his face and a box of chocolate covered cherries in his hands. My husband didn't need to say a word, but he spoke my love language through time and gifts.

5. Set aside an hour each day to talk.

Photo credit: ©Unsplash/David Nunez

I remember the day I realized that our family schedule was completely out of control. I raced like crazy every day between school, church, football, soccer, cheerleading, and birthday parties. Dan was the senior teaching pastor of a large, exploding church. The phone was constantly ringing. An important meeting, a visit to the hospital or any counseling session...