How much is emotional honesty or "nakedness" TOO MUCH?

Here's a question for you…

How many people do you let see you naked?

There is little chance.

How about emotionally naked?

We're guessing you don't let many people see you emotionally naked either.

Getting "naked" emotionally is when you let your guard down and let people see (and feel) the REAL you.

We are talking about the you who does not hide.

*The you who aren't afraid to say what's true for you.

* The you who is willing to reveal the painful parts of their past (or present).

*The you who is willing to pull down their walls and defenses and allow people to see their true heart.

*The you who wants to connect deeper but is scared and holding back.

If you've backtracked a little while reading the list above…

You are not alone.

Letting people see your body in all its glory or stripping emotionally is not something most people are willing to do.

And if they are, sometimes it's "exaggerated" or too much information for others.

The extent to which you are emotionally honest or naked with the people in your life (and them with you) is one of the main factors in the closeness, connection and love of your relationships.

If so…

Is there too much emotional honesty or "nakedness"?

It depends…

This is what we see…

In certain situations and with certain people, most of us withhold what is really going on inside us.

It may not be safe to feel totally honest.

You may not feel that you will be heard or it will just cause an argument or hurt feelings.

You may recognize (or not) that you are making a lot of assumptions that may not be true and sharing those assumptions before calming down is not necessary.

We put up barriers to connection because of the stories we create and hold on to, which may or may not be true.

Keep in mind where our emotions come from…

They are the result of a thought that we believe to be true, whether we are aware of it or not.

Susie recalls a relationship with a loved one where she held back the questions she wanted to ask and her hurt feelings that were a result of her thinking and emotions.

She knew she had made up many reasons for the distance between them.

The story she wove was that there is no possibility of having a deep conversation like this and that other person would not be open to it.

So she remained silent (and did for years) and this close relationship to her heart remained cordial but distant (at least for her).

Once her feelings had subsided, she usually made a conscious decision to be okay with it for now and maybe the opportunity to share would come up in the future.

She saw that it was also possible that this relationship was already perfect without her putting up walls and wishing it was different than it was…

That there was no need to share the hurt feelings she may choose not to carry with her anymore.

Eventually it turned out that the reason for the distance was a secret this person was holding and now Susie feels closer to this person.

She is happy in this case not to have shared hurt feelings, but to have let them pass.

But in her relationship with Otto, nothing holds back emotional honesty.

That's because we committed when we first came together to be transparent with each other so resentments don't build up.

We also agreed to listen to each other and not criticize each other for thinking differently about something.

(Sometimes we do it better than others!)

We both know that our love is kept alive and grows through this honesty and trust…

But that does not mean that we reverse all the negative thoughts and emotions that pass through us.

What we found is…

You don't have to share all your feelings to have a good relationship…

But you need to see what remains after your thoughts and emotions have calmed down and share from a place of love what needs to be shared.

That’s the key here…

Whatever you feel called to share, do it out of love and a desire to connect.

If you want help navigating a tricky conversation with someone, contact us here… ...