How to get rid of guilt

When you're drowning in guilt, there doesn't seem to be a right answer to move on.

Or so Jane (not her real name) thought when she wondered if she should tell her boyfriend of 7 years about her secret desire that she had nearly staged a year ago, but didn't.

"What was I thinking? she wondered.

How could she have considered giving in to the temptation of being with another man?

Now she was totally consumed by guilt.

Should she tell her partner what almost happened or should she try to minimize the damage and keep it all to herself?

That's when Jane reached out to us for help with her next steps.

She wanted to know how much (if any) she should reveal to her boyfriend Roger, how to stop feeling so guilty and most importantly…

How she and Roger could start feeling more connected again…

Since he had told her more than once that he felt her drifting away from him when they had felt close in the past.

There are all kinds of guilt.

–Guilt about what happened or didn't happen and what you're ashamed of that you're not ready to admit to anyone (maybe not even your best friend)

– Guilt about lies you've told to keep something private and yourself emotionally safe

– Guilt about what you think you HAVE to say or do to make someone else happy, but you don't really want to keep doing it

–Guilt about commitments you broke up in relationships that ended badly and so on…

Guilt is one of those things that can cripple any of us and it doesn't have to be.

The truth is, most of us don't realize the role guilt plays in our lives, the actions we take because we hold on to it so tightly, and the cost of carrying it around.

As we spoke with Jane, she began to see how the thought that she believed (that it shouldn't have happened) had not only fueled guilt for what she perceived as a violation of their chords…

But in the process, she realized she had pushed Roger away, walking away from him.

She realized that this incident she had fought for was actually a wake-up call and not something to be painfully dredged up over and over.

In a weird way, the guilt she carried had served her well by allowing her to focus on constantly fighting because of the thoughts she shouldn't have had towards that other guy instead of take an honest look at her relationship with Roger.

Instead of looking to the past, Jane realized that she needed to look within herself for what she really wanted in her relationship with Roger and look to her future.

She saw that guilt kept her from doing this.

She saw that when she opened her heart to Roger, there was an opportunity to explore what each of them wanted in their relationship.

Otherwise, there was no such opportunity to allow something new to emerge.

If guilt has been a problem for you in the past or if you feel guilty about something now, this may be trying to tell you something.

If your guilt tells you that you need to make amends for the way you hurt someone, listen.

If your guilt is made of "shoulds" in order to try to please someone or protect yourself or be loved…

Take a few moments and look within to see if you want to keep this thought with you longer.

You have the choice!

If you would like to talk with us about letting go of guilt or any other situation that is preventing you from having the love and life that is possible for you, contact us here…