How to Stop Judgments from Getting in the Way of Love

It's incredibly hard to come out in love and with an open heart when you have judgments about yourself, someone else. another, a situation or something that you think should be different.

Jack's wife, Sandy, was so mad at him when she found out about those two secret bank accounts he had.

He had accumulated money to help Amber, one of their daughters, with her finances and Sandy was furious about it because it was not the first time this had happened.

Jack just thought Amber needed help and Sandy didn't.

He was so filled with anger and judgment towards his wife (and she was angry with him) that their relationship became merely superficial.

There was no real connection like before.

Jack was judging Sandy for not wanting to help their daughter who really needed help (in his opinion of course)…

And Sandy judged Jack to be a "push" when he was just doing what he thought was helpful, kind and loving.

Our judgments about ourselves and others manifest in so many ways and are so destructive to our relationships.

Most of the time we are not even aware of the damage we are causing simply in the name of what we think is the "right" thing.

What we've seen is that you can have an open, loving heart one minute and the next minute your thoughts and judgments about someone can creep in and you don't even know where do these thoughts come from.

If you want to see how your judgments and everyone else's judgments play out in vivid color…

Go to any social media site or attend a family function and your judgments and those of everyone else (internal and external) will be on full display…

"They shouldn't have said that!"

"How could she act like that?"

"Why is he so stubborn?"

"I'm so stupid for saying that!"

"How can he pretend to be a good person and believe that?"

"She never liked me!"

"Why would they spend money on this when there are so many things in the world that could benefit from the funds they just spent on this ridiculous thing?"

There is no end to how we judge others, other situations, and especially ourselves.

Judging yourself and others is one of the most destructive things you can do if you want to create more love and connection.

Judgments shut us down and we walk away, no matter who or what we judge.

When you are aware of the amount and frequency of judgments that get in the way of what you really want in your life…

You can make another choice.

Here are some quick tips on how to prevent judgment from getting in the way of love...

1. Just notice what comes after the thoughts that hurt you or someone else.

Very often, judgment is our fault and thoughts slip away without our even being aware of it.

It may be surprising how often these thoughts are critical of ourselves and others.

It's only when you start to notice your judgments that you can decide that you want something better for your life and your relationship.

When Sandy realized how often she was critical of almost everything about Amber and her life, as well as Jack's attempts to help her…

She realized that she had become hard on both of them, while favoring their other daughter.

Jack saw how his actions of creating these secret accounts excluded Sandy and sent the message that Amber was more important to him…

Which was not the truth.

Jack and Sandy realized how these judgments of each other had hurt their relationship.

2. Drop the story

When you become aware of your judgments, let go of the story that accompanies them…

And all the things you think should or shouldn't happen will fade away.

Then there is space opening up within you to experience more love, more kindness, more appreciation, and more of what you really want in life which is connection.

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When Sandy dropped the stories about how she was hurt that Jack left her out and Amber had her dad wrapped around her finger…

When Jack dropped the story that Sandy was stiff and mean when it came to Amber and had to hide what he was doing…

A space opened up for them to talk about the situation without shouting at each other.

A space opened up for new ideas on how to support Amber in a caring and loving way that they could both agree on without...